Exploring what it means to be human.
Writings
How the Church Can Better Support Singles
I have this conversation with church-going single folk pretty regularly. It goes something like this:
“I know I am not worth less than married people, but it feels like I am worth less than married people.”
What are practical ways the church can better serve single individuals?
The Beatitudes of Brainwashing
Religious trauma certainly makes leaving an unhealthy environment difficult, and it absolutely makes assessing new environments for health difficult, too. Enter: Robert Jay Lifton’s Eight Criteria for Thought Reform from his 1961 book on high-control cult environments. Despite being an old book, these eight criteria remain a robust framework for understanding how cults and other high-control environments maintain control of their group members, effectively brainwashing them to protect the system in power. Examining each criterion gives us an opportunity to imagine and consider what a healthy church environment might look like.
Navigating the 15-minute Therapy Consult
A free 15-minute phone consult is a common practice in the world of therapy. It’s an opportunity for you, the client, to assess if a therapist is the right fit for you without paying the emotional and financial cost of a full appointment. It’s also an opportunity for us, the therapist, to assess if we are the best choice for you and your needs.
It’s also a bit awkward.
I mean, it’s a 15-minute conversation with a stranger about the deepest stuff going on in your life. Where do you even begin?
Insert the following: a non-exhaustive list of questions you might ask your prospective therapist
Grief, an Act of Justice
“This didn’t bother me before,” they* state, eyes downcast and shoulders heavy.
I pause, witnessing the emotion present in the room with us. It is slow and painful, yet it is calm and warm, too.
“You didn’t know how wrong it was,” I quietly reply, and we sit together, grief swirling around us.
Two Places at Once
Have you ever been in two places at once?
This is the nature of trauma. It exceeds our boundaries of time, and our concept of memory. It often surpasses language and description. What cannot be communicated can make you feel gravely alone. You can be surrounded by people, and even in two places at once. And still, alone.
In the Bleak: A Blessing for Joy & Despair
May you who feel despair,
Find joy in sorrow’s midst.
May you find warmth in the darkness,
And may your spirit hold light.
Joy is not all merriment and cheer,
But it is heavy, too. ….
In the Bleak: Peace & Unrest
There’s war. The holy land rages with everything but holiness. Political interests are of more interest than life. People are dead, dying, sick, and afraid. Bodies are buried in rubble, covered in dust. People sit in their living rooms, far away, and argue in comment sections about which lives matter most, as if this is a philosophical question and not one of human proportions.
Where is peace?
In The Bleak: Hope & Darkness
Darkness cloys at the edges, pulling you to the hidden forest within yourself. Despair hovers in the trees. The leaves shake in the brittle wind. The stars are covered by clouds. Voices carry on the breeze, whispers of how futile it is to go on. You fall under their prophecy of death and cling to the earth in wait.
When will the light dawn?
In The Bleak: Advent 2023
This is In The Bleak, an advent practice for those in middling spaces.
Falling Apart, Falling Together
I watch the leaves fall, hues of red and yellow littering the ground in fiery glory. They mingle amongst the grass, a dance of sorts, as the wind blows to and fro. I know that, soon, they will be gone for another year. Winter will usher in its chilly barrenness, then spring will burst forth with its pink hues. Summer will come with warmth and glow, and then the leaves will fall again.
Our world is forever becoming and un-becoming.
And so are we.